11/02/2025
I bought a book at barnes and noble the other day so I can learn to draw better, I think drawing and being good at it is a very attractive talent and I also want to get commissions so I can start getting money for it. Ive also been slowly trying to integrate myself with my coworkers, most of them are women so I always felt a bit intimidated or left out since they talk and have that "girl" relationship I guess, but ive been working there a while, so I thought it better to start now than never. Also, I realized how obsessed with girls I am, like I love everything girls do, the way they look, they sound, they talk, they laugh, their personalities, their differences, their perspective on the world, like theyre just so awesome. I am not one to be like "shawty so bad I need to titty f*ck" to every single girl I talk to, I genuinely enjoy homegirling with girls, im not some dude fishing for attention from women so I can have sex with them, if I was attracted to a girl, I would make it clear instead of playing "Friends to Lovers," because thats dishonest and lame. Sometimes I feel like thats hard since im not the most attractive guy ever, call it insecurity, but I think pretty priviledge is such a derivative of how people perceive you. I want it to be like "this guy is chill" to "this guy is funny" to "this guy is nice" to "I think I like him." IT FEELS SO PATHETIC TO SAY IT OUTLOUD OMG but seriously, like I just wish my looks were better since thats what most people go off of when interacting with others. I dont know, I think a relationship is a luxury that I cant afford, but things feel difficult when I cant share it with a partner, maybe I just feel lonely... When I mean

how lame is it that all 3 of my blog posts so far are about girls? ugh.

04/02/2025
I got more hours at work today, theyre kind of all over the place but at least itll get me a fatter check for next pay. I want to start taking the Youtube stuff seriously by thinking of video ideas and making actually cool stuff. It'll take some time for me to have an audience and a group of people who enjoy the niches I do, but thats the beauty of creativity I think; I do the things I do because I love to do them, if I didnt care, id be making overedited slop on tiktok to make money (which to be honest, is not a bad idea atp...). Anyways, my day was pretty good, Nothing incredible but yk, it was chill.

03/02/2025
I want to create a habit of typing how my day went onto my website, not everyday, but anything interesting that I might have. For example, there's this person at church that I didnt care for, but now im kind of starting to have a crush on, idk how big itll grow, but shes cute and she is very extroverted. I will admit I think she is more of a pretty face for me, idk if its someone I see myself being in a relationship with, but here's to whatever happens.